The Midgardian Rules of Dating
by Engine
Summary: As someone quite new to the ways of the world, Thor attempts to get Loki to go on a traditional Midgardian date with him. Oneshot. Thor/Loki. Silly and fluffy.


**The Midgardian Rules of Dating**

"Loki... there is something I wish to try with you."

The sudden statement breaking the silence of a lazy Sunday morning caused a low laugh from the man in question.

"Already, Thor?" he answered in an almost mocking tone. "Surely I could not be so irresistible that you do not want to take a break?"

It was then Thor who gave a small chuckle.

"I'm not speaking of that," he said.

"What else could possibly be of interest to you at present?" Loki asked, his voice still playfully prevoking.

Thor attempted to stifle the grin creeping upon his lips. Loki was cute when he was being a little bitch. He tightened his grip around Loki's waist. Loki unconsciously had moved slightly closer so that his head was resting on the other's chest.

Their life had been tempestuous after being banished from Asgard because of their 'unnatural, foul relationship', as Odin had so understandingly put it. Plus, Loki's little 'incident' wanting to enslave the entire human race probably had something to do with it, too. Tony Stark had offered for them to stay with him, but between Thor's nature of not wanting to impose on his friend and be a general bother and Loki's previous experience with Iron Man, they decided to find a place of their own. With the monetary help of S.H.I.E.L.D (in exchange for the constant watch over Loki), they had managed to rent a nice little apartment. Loki still remained resentful, while Thor was trying to embrace life on Midgard.

"I would like to go on a date with you," Thor announced.

"I believe it's a little late for courting," Loki snickered. "I am in your bed, after all."

"I want to try it," Thor persisted. "I've seen and heard of many people doing it here. It is what is done."

Loki frowned to himself.

"Why must you fixate on these lesser beings and their pointless rituals?"

"Stop talking like that, Loki," Thor said firmly. "I shouldn't have to remind you that in most aspects we are the same as they are now. You must understand."

Loki snapped his head up and glared at Thor. He had calmed considerably concerning the humans, but not enough to completely dismiss comments like that.

Thor lowered his eyes to meet the sharp green ones below him. The gaze seemed to soften the god of mischief at the best, or worst, of times.

"Fine, fine," Loki sighed. "I'll go on a date with you."

"Excellent!"

Thor jumped out of the bed in excitement, leaving Loki to fall forward on his face.

"What are you doing, you halfwit?" Loki mumbled into the pillow.

"I must prepare!" Thor cried, hurriedly getting dressed. "How are restaurant bookings made? Do not worry, I'll find that out. Wear something suitable. I shall pick you up at eight."

Loki lifted his head just in time to watch Thor rush out the door.

"What do you mean 'you'll pick me up'?" he shouted after him. "I live with you!"

* * *

Loki watched the clock ticking too-slowly toward eight o'clock. He couldn't say exactly why, but he felt nervous. He straightened the sleeves on his black suit jacket a couple of times. He glanced at the clock again. 7:54. Why did time seem to be taking so long?

He looked out of the window, wondering if he could spot Thor arriving. He realised that he was behaving strangely, but his new-found first date nerves were getting the better of him, and fast.

Finally, he heard a buzz on their apartment's intercom. 7:58. He was early.

Loki left hastily, attempting to get to the door quickly. He swung it open, happy to be rid of the pains of waiting.

Standing there in front of him, dressed in a new black suit and tie and a white shirt, was, Thor - of course. Loki felt an erratic sensation tangling his stomach up in knots.

"You look..." he struggled to offer him a suitable word. He doubted there was one that was just right, and futhermore he doubted that, if there was one, he'd have the courage to say it aloud anyway. He fell silent.

Thor burst into laughter. Loki scowled out of embarrassment. He hated to be bested by Thor, still, though Thor seemed to take it in his stride.

"As do you," Thor said affectionately.

He reached out and stroked the side of the smaller man's face for a moment, warranting a slight blush from him.

"Are you ready?"

"Of course," Loki replied curtly. "Where are we going?"

Thor lead him out of the doorway to a sleek black car parked close to the apartment block.

"To have dinner together, as I have planned."

The two sat in the back of the car.

"Who is driving?" Loki asked.

"I am, sir," came a robotic voice from somewhere in the car.

Loki looked alarmed.

"This is Jarvis," Thor explained. "Stark's robot."

"I prefer 'assisstant', if you will, sir," Jarvis commented.

"Why are we using _his_ transport?" Loki half-hissed, as if to not let Jarvis overhear.

"I do not know, he had offered to help," Thor said innocently.

"Mr. Stark is very interested in the quality of your outing," Jarvis revealed, while driving. "He ordered me to help out as best I can."

"Why would he wish so highly of our date?" Loki wondered aloud.

"Perhaps you thought wrong of him," Thor suggested.

"If I may, sir," Jarvis chirped in. "Mr. Stark is often just a meddlesome individual."

* * *

The car came to a halt pretty soon after it had departed, opposite a little Italian restaurant.

"Thank you, Jarvis," Thor said, as he got out of the vehicle.

"My pleasure," he answered. "Enjoy your meal."

The two made their way into the restaurant, either of them not voicing their concern that they didn't know where to go from there.

"I have a reservation," Thor announced in his booming voice, copying what he had heard on television once.

"Alright," the host replied. "Your name?"

"Thor."

"Thor? What kind of a name is that?"

"I... do not understand."

"Are you European or something?"

"No... I am from Asgard."

"Hmm, yeah, never heard of it," he said, now glancing through the list of reservations. "Yeah, you're not on the list."

Thor glanced back at Loki in confusion. Loki suddenly pushed past him to confront the worker himself.

"Listen, you peasant, seat us at once!" he demanded.

"You're serious?"

"You will know how serious I am when I destroy you!" Loki growled. "I am a god, you do not know what you are dealing with!"

Thor looked around the restaurant, horrified. The other people were either looking at them in shock or stifling laughter.

"Loki, calm!" he whispered harshly.

"I will not! I will have my way with this scum!"

"Guards!" the man called.

"Your guards are no match for me!"

"LOKI! NO!"

* * *

They ended up sitting on the pavement outside the building. Loki had his eyes fixed on Thor, who in turn was looking absently at the ground. Loki didn't know what to say to make things better. Apologies were not his strong suit, but he _had_ ruined the night. He knew it. He had to make some effort to try to restore it.

"I am truly sorry," he offered, though he believed it would be no good.

Thor shook his head and gave a small smile.

"No, it's fine," he said. "I'm sure being forcibly escorted out by security guards is some form of a successful date."

Loki shuffled closer to him.

"What happens now?"

* * *

With additional help from Jarvis, and a sassy phone call from Tony, the couple arrived home quickly. They both stood at the doorstep.

"I feel this must be the end of our date," Loki said.

"Not yet," Thor said. "There's one thing left to do."

Thor tried to remember the dialogue of those films he and Natasha had sometimes watched together (she made him swear not to tell anyone she enjoyed them, in her own interest and in Thor's interest, because she would basically kill him).

"I had a wonderful time," Thor stated.

"I doubt it," Loki smirked.

"Why must you ruin everything?" Thor whined. "I'm trying to get this right."

"Is it possible for you to skip to the end?" Loki suggested.

Thor took his hands in his own.

"If you wish."

He leaned in and kissed Loki gently, acting as if it were their first. He could feel Loki smile against his lips. Neither of them could tell how long the kiss lasted, but it didn't feel long enough to Loki when Thor pulled away.

"Perhaps we could have saved ourselves the ordeal and started the day with that?" Loki remarked.

"I will be sure to keep that in mind," Thor replied, before going in for another.

**The End.**

* * *

_I wrote this in about two-and-a-bit hours for a friend on short notice, so I apologise for any mistakes in grammar or characterisation. I know it's very short but I haven't updated in a while so here you all are. I hope you enjoyed my little fic._


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